![]() ![]() Somehow, the battalion of wandering Mystics shuffling through sand is surprisingly creepy. ![]() Unfortunately, the Mystics move at less than 2 MPH and are repeatedly shown sauntering through the desert like C-3PO without the humor. Given their lives are at stake, they make the move from their home turf to the Castle in which the Dark Crystal is housed. Though they’ve told Jen the barebones reason for retrieving the shard, they actually want to protect their dying race from extinction. These four-armed dinosaur Muppets have a lot of skin in the game. Though you only need to hear that song once, it’s the movement of the Mystics that is easily the most disturbing. Their tune is designed to summon Jen, the only one who can help restore order in their world. Like a cut-scene from Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey, these cursed wizards band together to sing a remarkably intense Gregorian chant. Of all the creatures in Jim Henson’s dark fantasy, these characters look the most like Muppets. Just after Kira tosses the crystal to Jen, a Skeksis whips out a knife and plunges into her back like a John Carpenter movie.įew things in The Dark Crystal are easy to look at, but The Mystics are among the most tolerable. Though her flying descent into the scene is also alarming, we can forgive it for her sacrifice (and also Fizzgig’s, the pet who gets thrown into a fiery pit of doom). In the climactic scenes of the film, Kira, the porcelain doll-like love interest, makes a heroic lunge to grab the shard from the Skeksis. In that advertisement, the thrilling music was looped over the narrator describing the movie as “ a wonder-filled fantasy adventure.” This isn’t exactly untrue, but in an attempt to increase the movie’s viewership, the advertising team forgot to warn children that the second lead gets straight up stabbed at the end of the movie. You may recall watching a trailer for The Dark Crystal on VHS. If not, we’d like to preserve your moviegoing experience (and the terror that accompanies it) by offering a friendly spoiler warning. If you’ve gotten this far, you’ve probably already seen The Dark Crystal. The only thing harder to stomach than Jen is this bizarre fan film adaptation of The Dark Crystal. That’s partially because the Jen doll is literally resting atop the shoulders of puppeteers, but it’s mostly because his face is the stuff of nightmares. Though many online commentators jokingly call Jen a dwarf version of Steven Tyler, he looks and moves more like a reanimated corpse. His expressionless face and beady eyes are like lackluster video game CGI or Robert Zemeckis’ disturbing adaptation of The Polar Express. Though more lifelike than anything in The Muppets, the protagonist of The Dark Crystal looks dead behind the eyes. The “valley” he describes is the literal gap that separates the aesthetics of zombies, dolls, and puppets from humans, thus leaving an indescribable sense of dread and mistrust in viewers. Japanese roboticist Masahiro Mori first coined the phrase in writing about robots that looked creepy despite their nearly human appearance. Jen is the embodiment of the “Uncanny Valley” theory. Without further ado, here are 15 Reasons Why The Dark Crystal Is the Scariest Movie Ever: When the parents went out for date night, The Dark Crystal got popped into VHS players and burned into the brains of children around the world. Marketed as a movie from the “brilliant minds” behind The Muppets, this twisted adventure movie was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Sure, the puppetry may be state of the art, but that only contributed to the creep factor that Jim Henson instilled in a generation of kids. The Dark Crystal was engineered to be an uncomfortable ride. Whoever ended up in the second category is cut from a different (read: inhuman) cloth. Viewers were either deeply scarred by the life-like puppets, or they found the movie to be a pleasant fantasy experience. The 1982 Jim Henson classic is one of the most schismatic movies of all time. We’ll start: finding out the truth about Santa Claus, certain episodes of Barney, and everything in The Dark Crystal. Name the three most upsetting moments of your childhood.
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